Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Decisions, decisions
I've decided to write a book, while on the move, on a pen drive and in internet cafes. How stupid an idea is this does anyone think? Any tips?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
You had yourself a crazy lover
She seemed to be
Everything you saw in me
But all she'd ever need
Was to be free
She pushed you to see
Everything you wanted from me
Was never to be
It's not like I'm not sorry
Making it seem
She was blame free
She'd break you eventually
Leaving her just a memory
Not exactly pain free
Wondering was it me
Here's the thing you see
It was my brokeness actually
No one could capture me
It was always a fantasy
A faux reality
More of a game for me
She didn't hurt you intentionally
Too much distance in between
The maps of you and she
She told you specifically
Screaming oh so silently
All I need
Is to be free
And I'm sorry
Please forgive me.
Everything you saw in me
But all she'd ever need
Was to be free
She pushed you to see
Everything you wanted from me
Was never to be
It's not like I'm not sorry
Making it seem
She was blame free
She'd break you eventually
Leaving her just a memory
Not exactly pain free
Wondering was it me
Here's the thing you see
It was my brokeness actually
No one could capture me
It was always a fantasy
A faux reality
More of a game for me
She didn't hurt you intentionally
Too much distance in between
The maps of you and she
She told you specifically
Screaming oh so silently
All I need
Is to be free
And I'm sorry
Please forgive me.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
A nostalgic note
Am particularly nostalgic as I type this post, a very old friend from my childhood found me on facebook today and the long forgotton memories of what it was like to cycle around, 'out to play', without a care in the world all came flooding back as if it were only yesterday.
I feel I've become so swept up in the amazingness of being able to control my own life and finally be deemed a responsible adult, mistakes made and learned from, decisions made and found to be the right ones, finally fulfilling all those big dreams I had as a kid, I forgotton how awesome it truly was to just be a kid.
The realisation that this period in my life is over, never again will I be able to blame it on being just a kid, sure I'm still young, but those childhood days, they are now nothing but a string of memories to be forever cherished as they made me who I am today.
Having said that, in contradiction I can't believe that the little kid I was all those years ago has grown into the me I now present to the world daily, a lot of those big questions answered and ideas developed beyond all concepts I ever had as a youngun. Such a strange feeling washes over me when I think of it.
I feel as we get older life becomes more complicated, we come with more baggage, every type of relationship becomes more messy, decisions need more thought and have more impact, in hindsight the dramas of childhood and adolescence, as important a learning curve as they were, are small fry in comparison to the adult responsibilities we have for ourselves and our own happiness and well-being.
It was a simple time, a time that will always have a prominent place in my heart.
I am truly grateful for my friends at this time, and hope they know how important they were in the life map I call my world.
xx
I feel I've become so swept up in the amazingness of being able to control my own life and finally be deemed a responsible adult, mistakes made and learned from, decisions made and found to be the right ones, finally fulfilling all those big dreams I had as a kid, I forgotton how awesome it truly was to just be a kid.
The realisation that this period in my life is over, never again will I be able to blame it on being just a kid, sure I'm still young, but those childhood days, they are now nothing but a string of memories to be forever cherished as they made me who I am today.
Having said that, in contradiction I can't believe that the little kid I was all those years ago has grown into the me I now present to the world daily, a lot of those big questions answered and ideas developed beyond all concepts I ever had as a youngun. Such a strange feeling washes over me when I think of it.
I feel as we get older life becomes more complicated, we come with more baggage, every type of relationship becomes more messy, decisions need more thought and have more impact, in hindsight the dramas of childhood and adolescence, as important a learning curve as they were, are small fry in comparison to the adult responsibilities we have for ourselves and our own happiness and well-being.
It was a simple time, a time that will always have a prominent place in my heart.
I am truly grateful for my friends at this time, and hope they know how important they were in the life map I call my world.
xx
Monday, May 26, 2008
Bangkok, a social hub, a physiological nightmare
To anyone who comes to Thailand from England. Welcome to the biggest culture shock of your life mate...I could only think of one thing which would be harder for your body to accept...a trip to outer space, the no gravity thing would be so weird huh!?
Other English people I meet who come to Bangkok tell me they hate it. It's usually their first time. Bangkok is a living, breathing, entity entirely unto itself. There is no place like it, it swims with beauty, bountiful culture, incredible people, hard hitting clubs and the best food you could ever ask for. However, having said this you also have to know where to look, and this takes time.
Remebering England as 'the most watched country in the world' through CCTV, depicted by it's 'nanny state culture' with red tape everywhere, 'the suing culture', making English people seem like naughty, unknowing children who will go insane if not watched, 'well looked after' and kept under constant control by the fear mongering, money grabbing government, religious figures and media...democracy my ass is all I can say. (Note:personal opinion, and the reason I no longer reside in this country, feel free to disagree if you like)
Coming out and living Thai life, I'm surprised I didn't go directly into shock, have heart failure and collapse right there in the middle of Siam Square, never to breathe again.
It is no surprise to a family of 6, a full basket of washing and a dog crammed on to one motorbike, with only the driver wearing a helmet, because out here that is the law. Could you ever imagine that in London, no, I didn't think so!
The pavements are full, full of street vendors, I think the rule of thumb is if theres space on the pavement you can sell something on it...it makes it pretty hard for you to walk down so I dread to think how it for people who have to use a wheel chair...I think they have to take on the nutty Bangkok traffic and pray to the good lord they don't get killed in a horrific car/tuk-tuk/bus accident. Hats off to them really, I'd never leave the house.
On the subject of the pavements, remember if you do go out drinking and partying in Bangkok, you are more than likely going to muller your body in some respect...here's a tale of woe as an example for you...
I got drunk ok, like really really drunk on Koah San road, a good time but as I was walking to get a taxi to Silom I tripped on one of most uneven pavements in all of Bangkok and mushed my toe into the concrete. Twisted knees and ass on the floor later I was clambering up wondering if anyone had seen. Now, I am hobbling round with a broken toe, swollen and black and blue, wholeheartedly regretting wearing my flip flops in Bangkok, sensible shoes people, sensible shoes!!!!
Although this does link back to the don't lose your favourite and only trainers on Pha Ngan...a lesson learned...
Having complained alot...I still prefer living in Thailand...it's never dull!
Other English people I meet who come to Bangkok tell me they hate it. It's usually their first time. Bangkok is a living, breathing, entity entirely unto itself. There is no place like it, it swims with beauty, bountiful culture, incredible people, hard hitting clubs and the best food you could ever ask for. However, having said this you also have to know where to look, and this takes time.
Remebering England as 'the most watched country in the world' through CCTV, depicted by it's 'nanny state culture' with red tape everywhere, 'the suing culture', making English people seem like naughty, unknowing children who will go insane if not watched, 'well looked after' and kept under constant control by the fear mongering, money grabbing government, religious figures and media...democracy my ass is all I can say. (Note:personal opinion, and the reason I no longer reside in this country, feel free to disagree if you like)
Coming out and living Thai life, I'm surprised I didn't go directly into shock, have heart failure and collapse right there in the middle of Siam Square, never to breathe again.
It is no surprise to a family of 6, a full basket of washing and a dog crammed on to one motorbike, with only the driver wearing a helmet, because out here that is the law. Could you ever imagine that in London, no, I didn't think so!
The pavements are full, full of street vendors, I think the rule of thumb is if theres space on the pavement you can sell something on it...it makes it pretty hard for you to walk down so I dread to think how it for people who have to use a wheel chair...I think they have to take on the nutty Bangkok traffic and pray to the good lord they don't get killed in a horrific car/tuk-tuk/bus accident. Hats off to them really, I'd never leave the house.
On the subject of the pavements, remember if you do go out drinking and partying in Bangkok, you are more than likely going to muller your body in some respect...here's a tale of woe as an example for you...
I got drunk ok, like really really drunk on Koah San road, a good time but as I was walking to get a taxi to Silom I tripped on one of most uneven pavements in all of Bangkok and mushed my toe into the concrete. Twisted knees and ass on the floor later I was clambering up wondering if anyone had seen. Now, I am hobbling round with a broken toe, swollen and black and blue, wholeheartedly regretting wearing my flip flops in Bangkok, sensible shoes people, sensible shoes!!!!
Although this does link back to the don't lose your favourite and only trainers on Pha Ngan...a lesson learned...
Having complained alot...I still prefer living in Thailand...it's never dull!
ESL Teaching in Thailand
A piss easy job...for those of you who don't care about being a good teacher.
It does my nut well and truly in when I meet fellow farang teachers who decided to come out and teach in Thailand because they want the easy party life. The only problem I have with the whole sure we'll give you an ESL job is that all you need is a degree. Any degree will do. Even engineering or something similarly unrelated to teaching or kids, unless you spent your degree learning how to teach tools how to speak English, you ain't gunna have a blind clue mate.
The teachers and the kids are awesome, they are so grateful that a foreigner wants to come out and teach in their school they'll do anything and everything in their power to keep hold of you (even give you your own flat, rent free, free water, a free TV and a DVD player, thanks Pinuk!!!) and give you the utmost respect whilst at it. If your thinking of getting an ESL job in Asia remember don't take these people for granted, they give you free reign of what to teach, when to test and how you conduct your lessons. An awful lot of trust in someone who doesn't have a TEFL certificate, or who's degree is in Sociology...
If you want to live, eat and breathe Thai culture, this is an amazing way to go about it, but remember...it's not all fun and games, you can party once you have taught something to the 50 kids expecting you to teach them and they've remembered it the next week!
It does my nut well and truly in when I meet fellow farang teachers who decided to come out and teach in Thailand because they want the easy party life. The only problem I have with the whole sure we'll give you an ESL job is that all you need is a degree. Any degree will do. Even engineering or something similarly unrelated to teaching or kids, unless you spent your degree learning how to teach tools how to speak English, you ain't gunna have a blind clue mate.
The teachers and the kids are awesome, they are so grateful that a foreigner wants to come out and teach in their school they'll do anything and everything in their power to keep hold of you (even give you your own flat, rent free, free water, a free TV and a DVD player, thanks Pinuk!!!) and give you the utmost respect whilst at it. If your thinking of getting an ESL job in Asia remember don't take these people for granted, they give you free reign of what to teach, when to test and how you conduct your lessons. An awful lot of trust in someone who doesn't have a TEFL certificate, or who's degree is in Sociology...
If you want to live, eat and breathe Thai culture, this is an amazing way to go about it, but remember...it's not all fun and games, you can party once you have taught something to the 50 kids expecting you to teach them and they've remembered it the next week!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
If you're thinking of hitting the Full Moon Party on Koh Pha Ngan...
I read the Pha Ngan info guide a mere million times before I even got to Koh Pha Ngan, thinking if these people lived on the island, they must have a clue about how to live through the illusive Full Moon Party, right?
So, I have decided, in retrospect, to impart my knowledge. Whether you choose to take it or no, that is up to you and only you.
1. People who get the overnight buses from Bangkok could well be chavvy bastards and rob you of all the money you own, even if you sleep with your bag tightly clawed to your lap. Be very aware of this, and no matter how stupid you think they look, one of those under your shirt zip up pockets were invented by nothing short of a genius and is most definately a good investment on your end, I speak from experience. Turning up on Koh Pha Ngan ready to party and finding you have absolutely zip money is not the best experience you will encounter. Another idea for us girls is to ram all your cash into your bra, unless you plan on being felt up on the bus by a complete stranger, this is a safe bet, and one I opted for on the way home.
2. The Pha Ngan info guide will strongly recommend that you wear trainers to Full Moon, to avoid treading on either broken glass or burning cigerettes. I strongly recommend that you don't. Having found myself at some point on Haad Rin holding only one of my precious converse, I took the decision to chuck said shoe over my shoulder, hence, wandering the rest of the night with no shoes, subsequently cutting my feet to shreds and standing on the plentiful burning cigerette butts. A bad move on my part I know, my favourite (and only) pair of trainers are now lost forever to Haad Rin.
Wear flip flops you don't care if you lose, and you probably will, Pha Ngan in general has a way of claiming shoes from you, and keep your eyes peeled if you do lose them for the piles of flip flops lost by other revellers.
This was the most ridiculous piece of information I have ever followed I realised in hindsight, trainers and sand just don't mix, throw in afew buckets and it's a recipe for disaster really isn't it.
3. On the subject of buckets, be careful, they have a nasty habit of sneaking up on you, and Thai whiskey has a way of sneaking up on your belly next day...you don't want to find yourself so drunk you don't know what the hell's going on, that's how more robbing could come about, or far worse, you've heard the stories, don't let it be you.
4. This is so important so please pay attention, no matter how good an idea it seems at the time (and it will for those select few) I implore you not to go swimming on Haad Rin. It is used as a general toilet for those lazy, wasted bastards, inclusive of those who desperately need to throw their guts up.
There's a good few rocks in the sea down there aswell, and (the voice of experience pipes up again) it's all to easy to cut yourself and get infected. The pharmacies on Pha Ngan I'm sure see this every month, but it's just not worth the 10 minutes of fun you think your having cos your plastered and want to go swimming. You can wait yeah.
Also, I saw alot of people losing their clothes to light fingered bastards whilst swimming, having to then wander the rest of the night with no clothes, having lost all their money and possessions.
5. Do not drink 5 mushroom shakes just because they have mango in them, they also have mushrooms in them. Enough said.
6. Be very aware that the police love to bust people, and do random drug raids at Full Moon. The drug laws in Thailand are harsh parsnips, you'll probably spend your life in the Bangkok Hilton if caught, so proceed with caution.
7. If your a girl, be aware there are wasted Europeans who take the fact you say hello to them as the green light for trying to kiss you or touch your ass or something similarly vile and European, if possible team up with a buddy to get around the beach. If you lose your friends, be aware you will never find them again, so try not to lose them, though this is easier said than done for some.
(If your one of these European guys, please, sort it out.)
8. If your still on Haad Rin once it hits about 7am, you will be surrounded by angry, trance loving Germans who just can't give the party up, so if you don't want to go to Back Yard (the day party over the hill) try to get out of there by about 6. Also, at this time you will be exposed to the searing sun and you should try to find some shade or sun cream. Thai sunburn is so much worse than European sunburn and hurts for 3 to 5 days, I don't want to nag, but I'd rather you didn't end up with the 'c' word, no, cancer.
9. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT take a bag. Try to stuff your possessions into your pockets, you will only lose it and therefore everything inside it.
10 Finally, if you insist on only leaving Haad Rin to get back to your beach after about 5pm, be prepared to pay up to 1,000 baht for a taxi home. That is, unless you can speak abit of Thai and are up for having a 2 hour conversation with the taxi drivers, then they'll knock it down for you.
Well, go forth and party it up like true Full Moon worshippers and let me know if this is of any help or if I'm just a rambling nutjob...would be nice to be well informed...
Peace
(An afterthought, try not to get full moon paint on your clothes...it never comes out...)
I was so far wrong.
So, I have decided, in retrospect, to impart my knowledge. Whether you choose to take it or no, that is up to you and only you.
1. People who get the overnight buses from Bangkok could well be chavvy bastards and rob you of all the money you own, even if you sleep with your bag tightly clawed to your lap. Be very aware of this, and no matter how stupid you think they look, one of those under your shirt zip up pockets were invented by nothing short of a genius and is most definately a good investment on your end, I speak from experience. Turning up on Koh Pha Ngan ready to party and finding you have absolutely zip money is not the best experience you will encounter. Another idea for us girls is to ram all your cash into your bra, unless you plan on being felt up on the bus by a complete stranger, this is a safe bet, and one I opted for on the way home.
2. The Pha Ngan info guide will strongly recommend that you wear trainers to Full Moon, to avoid treading on either broken glass or burning cigerettes. I strongly recommend that you don't. Having found myself at some point on Haad Rin holding only one of my precious converse, I took the decision to chuck said shoe over my shoulder, hence, wandering the rest of the night with no shoes, subsequently cutting my feet to shreds and standing on the plentiful burning cigerette butts. A bad move on my part I know, my favourite (and only) pair of trainers are now lost forever to Haad Rin.
Wear flip flops you don't care if you lose, and you probably will, Pha Ngan in general has a way of claiming shoes from you, and keep your eyes peeled if you do lose them for the piles of flip flops lost by other revellers.
This was the most ridiculous piece of information I have ever followed I realised in hindsight, trainers and sand just don't mix, throw in afew buckets and it's a recipe for disaster really isn't it.
3. On the subject of buckets, be careful, they have a nasty habit of sneaking up on you, and Thai whiskey has a way of sneaking up on your belly next day...you don't want to find yourself so drunk you don't know what the hell's going on, that's how more robbing could come about, or far worse, you've heard the stories, don't let it be you.
4. This is so important so please pay attention, no matter how good an idea it seems at the time (and it will for those select few) I implore you not to go swimming on Haad Rin. It is used as a general toilet for those lazy, wasted bastards, inclusive of those who desperately need to throw their guts up.
There's a good few rocks in the sea down there aswell, and (the voice of experience pipes up again) it's all to easy to cut yourself and get infected. The pharmacies on Pha Ngan I'm sure see this every month, but it's just not worth the 10 minutes of fun you think your having cos your plastered and want to go swimming. You can wait yeah.
Also, I saw alot of people losing their clothes to light fingered bastards whilst swimming, having to then wander the rest of the night with no clothes, having lost all their money and possessions.
5. Do not drink 5 mushroom shakes just because they have mango in them, they also have mushrooms in them. Enough said.
6. Be very aware that the police love to bust people, and do random drug raids at Full Moon. The drug laws in Thailand are harsh parsnips, you'll probably spend your life in the Bangkok Hilton if caught, so proceed with caution.
7. If your a girl, be aware there are wasted Europeans who take the fact you say hello to them as the green light for trying to kiss you or touch your ass or something similarly vile and European, if possible team up with a buddy to get around the beach. If you lose your friends, be aware you will never find them again, so try not to lose them, though this is easier said than done for some.
(If your one of these European guys, please, sort it out.)
8. If your still on Haad Rin once it hits about 7am, you will be surrounded by angry, trance loving Germans who just can't give the party up, so if you don't want to go to Back Yard (the day party over the hill) try to get out of there by about 6. Also, at this time you will be exposed to the searing sun and you should try to find some shade or sun cream. Thai sunburn is so much worse than European sunburn and hurts for 3 to 5 days, I don't want to nag, but I'd rather you didn't end up with the 'c' word, no, cancer.
9. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT take a bag. Try to stuff your possessions into your pockets, you will only lose it and therefore everything inside it.
10 Finally, if you insist on only leaving Haad Rin to get back to your beach after about 5pm, be prepared to pay up to 1,000 baht for a taxi home. That is, unless you can speak abit of Thai and are up for having a 2 hour conversation with the taxi drivers, then they'll knock it down for you.
Well, go forth and party it up like true Full Moon worshippers and let me know if this is of any help or if I'm just a rambling nutjob...would be nice to be well informed...
Peace
(An afterthought, try not to get full moon paint on your clothes...it never comes out...)
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